The Upside of Down

We've been listening to Chris August's new CD often in the car while we drive around the beautiful country here in Pennsylvania. Although this isn't my favorite song on the CD, its a close second because the words so eloquently describe how I so often feel. 

I think Chris sums it up perfectly, and this song reminds me not only of my shortcomings (which are forgiven by my Holy God) but also why difficult times are not only beneficial in my life, but in my relationship with Jesus. May God continue to challenge me to look to Him each day, in everything...on the upside and downside!!!

The downside of being up is my inside is empty of

The one thing my heart truly needs

When I feel invincible a million miles from miserable

It's always all about me

I don't know why I don't love You like I should, like You would

Through bad and good oh

[Chorus:]

Funny how we figure out where happiness is found

In the midst of this sadness I'm closer to You now

And that’s the upside of down, the upside of down

It’s all switched around, I lost and I found

The upside of down

You are more in my less, You are strength in my weakness

I'll never go back again

And then Your sunshine ends the rain and I return to my old ways

Why am I a fair weather friend?

I wanna be the one to love You like I should, like You would

Through the bad and good oh

Funny how we figure out where happiness is found

In the midst of this sadness I'm closer to You now

That’s the upside of tragedies knowing You're holding my heart always, always

I may be down but I'm finding there's joy in the pain, in the pain

Funny how we figure out where happiness is found

In the midst of this sadness I'm closer, I’m closer to You now and oh

[Chorus]

The upside of down

It’s all switched around, I lost and I found

The upside of down

I'm a Toddler

I nanny 3 days a week for a friend of mine's 4 children. Yes. 4. Right now they are 5,3,3 and 3. You read that right too. Three 3 year olds. For 2 more weeks, then the kids will be 5,4, 3 and 3. Two girls, two boys. Twin boys. Adorable, fun, energetic and young. And just out of official 'toddlerhood'.
And now that I'm their "guest mom" (as their mom puts it;) I'm spending a lot of time with a lot of little people again. Kind of like combining when my kids were little and I was teaching preschool.
The twins (C&G, who turned 3 in March) are typical young boys. In every way. Rambunctious, energetic, smart, and connected in a way that I don't think I can understand. And can they ask questions!!!!! Over and over and over (and sometimes over!!). A little while ago, their fascination was when I was cooking something on the stove to ask me, "Is it hot?" Over, and over, and over again. Right after I would say, "Yes, it's hot," they'd ask if it was hot. Over, and over. You get the picture.
And try as I might, pray as I did, sometimes frustration would get the best of me, and I'd scream a little bit on the inside. Why didn't they listen to my answer? Did they even hear me? Why did they keep asking? My answer wasn't going to change. So why keep asking me??
But God really convicted me. Hard. Don't I do the same thing to Him? Ask Him questions, but don't wait or listen for His answer. And then ask again, over and over and over. I realized that I'm a toddler. And that realization hurt me. And yet, I still find myself asking and asking. And still not listening. How I need to step out of my toddler-like faith and into more of what God wants for and with me. So I hope the twins keep asking their questions. It's a reminder that I need to stop, and listen.
Maybe you do too?

Blessed is the one who listens to me, watching daily at my gates, waiting beside my doors.
For whoever finds me finds life and obtains favor from The Lord. Proverbs 8:34-35